RACHEL’S STORY

Hey there, I’m Rachel. I am a published author, activist, and Mental Health Awareness Community Advocate.

I hold a BBA Degree from Baruch College with a focus on Human Resources Management and Accounting as well as a Certificate in Mental Health First Aid. But none of that is why I started SPEAK. I started SPEAK Suicide Prevention because I’ve been there.

In August of 2005, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder. I started a series of approved medications. Over a span of 3 years, I suffered with the multiple side effects of approximately seven different medications, from antidepressants to mood stabilizers to anti-anxiety medications. I was forced to stop working in 2006 and when I returned to work in 2007, the side effects had riddled my body. In March 2008, I became unable to work full-time, and shortly after that, I had my first trip to a psychiatric ward. I was admitted for depression, medication management, and the unexplainable symptoms I was displaying. After a two-week stint, a kidney malfunction, and major depression, the impending feeling of hopelessness took me into a dark place that I could not come out of alone.

On January 3, 2009 between the hours of 8-10pm I strategically planned my exit from this world. The result was me overdosing on a mixture of approximately 60 extremely toxic pills. Before I ingested the pills, I left a voice message for my therapist to ensure that my body would be found by EMS as opposed to a family member.

I was unconscious in my apartment for approximately 23 hours before the fire department and paramedics rescued me. I was closer to death than I will ever be able to articulate and regained full consciousness on Wednesday, January 7th. When I realized I was still alive I experienced a sense of failure and anger. But I knew something in me had changed.

I knew that I had purpose.

I survived what some would consider traumatic experiences to come out on the other side bruised but not totally broken. It wasn’t until I was honest about my life, who I am, things that happened, and forgave myself that the healing actually began. With mental health support, empowerment, support and healing as well as being honest about who I am and the challenges I’ve overcome, I am happy to say that life is worth living.

It takes work, persistence, trust and self-examination to get to a healthy mental space. I am committed to being healthy and am going to encourage others to get help before they decide to give in. Everyone has a purpose and we should all have an opportunity to realize exactly what that is.

If it’s you, a loved one, or you simply want to help, thank you for being here. It means you value life. You aren’t alone. It is not hopeless. Let’s do this together.